Contemplating my Mortality

I always thought that I would live forever, when I was young and the world was before me. I was 40 years old before it dawned on me that I wasn’t 18 years old anymore. I have always considered myself a young man, even when I passed the 60-year mark. As the bible says a person who is 100 years old is still a child. And I still think of myself that way. But the reality is that I am reaching the sunset of my life. No one wants to die. We all want to live forever. I have goals I want to accomplish and there is still not enough time left. You pay your money and you take your chances. I decided on all the things that I did in my life. No one forced me to do what I wanted to do. My father died before knowing my children. I have one grandson, who I don’t know very well. My wife tries to prove her independence, but if I left it would devastate her. And my sons still need my guidance. And I want to go home. This world isn’t my home. This world is temporary and will disappear in the end of time. So, what do I do? How long do I live? It is still up to me when I go home, barring any accidents or disease. I have walked with God for most of my life. I have done what He asked of me. Now I want the reward He has promised me. Yet I don’t want to leave. But I know that soon it will be time to go. I will be extremely happy and sad about that. You see I am caught between the two. So, I contemplate my mortality.


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